Is squirting real?
Short answer: Real? Yes, but it’s urine.
Squirting is something you might have heard about from friends, seen in porn, or wanted to try with your partner. But is squirting real? What is it? I did some digging to find the truth, so you don’t have to plough through the mess that is the internet all by yourself.
First off, it’s important to differentiate this idea of squirting from female ejaculation. They’re not the same.
Female ejaculate is a small amount of thick whitish fluid secreted around the time of orgasm. It comes from the glands within the erectile tissue around the urethra that are comparable to the male prostate, and it even contains prostate-specific antigen (PSA, different PSA) (1, 2).
Contrary to female ejaculate, there’s strong scientific evidence that squirted fluid originates from the bladder and is mostly composed of urine (3).But that doesn’t mean it should be a source of shame, or that it’s a sign of a better orgasm. It’s not clear why squirting happens to some people — one theory is that their pelvic floor contractions are different.
Losing control of your bladder (or urinary incontinence) during sex can happen too, but according to the Kinsey Institute, it’s likely a different phenomenon than squirting. Incontinence during sex can be caused by an overstimulated bladder, or a weak pelvic floor. Pregnancy can increase the chances of incontinence during sex, due to increased pressure on the bladder, and pelvic floor strain.
While some women naturally squirt, others’ partners seek it out like it’s a hidden orgasm they’ve yet to conquer.
The internet is full of articles with tips to help people make their partner squirt, as if anyone can do it. But who is it really for? The giver or the receiver? I’ve had partners in the past who wanted to make me squirt, as if it’s the ultimate expression of an orgasm, when really, it’s not biologically possible for some people.
Expression of female sexuality has long skated a thin line. Young girls are trained to be demure. Buttoned-up, “pure.” But they should also be downnn. “A lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.” A good girl gone bad. A naughty librarian. This is what (primarily American) society has tricked us into wanting and becoming: the perfect balance between a prude and a freak.
And if we assert ourselves publicly or in the workplace, we’re labeled as “nasty.” If we assert ourselves sexually, we’re labeled as sluts. That’s fun too. I noticed this especially after moving back to California, the birthplace of Hollywood and the porn industry. Not to mention the internet.
The pressure to look and act a certain way was much more omnipresent, yet discreet, in Californian culture than it was in the East Coast (where I lived for nearly half of my life). The “California girl” is the epitome of a sex object. She should be bubbly and carefree. Size 00, but able to drink a 6-pack in one sitting. Never the one to say “This party sucks, I want to leave.” Or “No, I don’t want to.” This environment bred vulnerability. “Damsels in distress.” The type of girl who is down for anything, even before contemplating how she really feels about it.
After some time untraining my mind from an American upbringing—a landscape full of sex shaming, suppression, hypermasculinity, contradictions (ex. our obsession and repulsion for nudity) and a general lack of sexual education or communication, I’m finally realizing that knowing what you want and doing that is all you need. You don’t need to prove or justify your pleasure to anyone.
Making your partner happy is an important part of the equation, but your orgasm is your own, whether you squirt or don’t. ❤